Today In My Living Room ...

When I get home from work, I have several "rituals" I go through. First I take off my shoes and luxuriate in the spreading of my toes as far apart as they will possibly go. Then I open up a fresh can of Mountain Dew, savoring the heady aroma of sugar, lime, and bubbles. Then it's comfortable clothes and a search for a hockey battle or college basketball game.

This time of year, plugging in my Christmas tree joins the list of "must dos." Sometimes I get captivated by the sparkling lights and ornaments that hold all sorts of special memories and meaning. I just stand there for seconds or minutes, mesmerized into immobility.

To be entirely honest, I'm sort of an ornament addict. I have lights, ribbon, ornaments, and tree skirts for approximately eight or nine trees. As a teenager, I had my own tree in my bedroom ... a four-foot garage sale find. I used every spare cent I had to create that first tree ... blue lights, dark blue velvet bows, variegated bulbs that simulated the feathers of a blue jay, and even an old-style St. Nicolas in regal midnight blue robes. I slept with that tree lit up from Black Friday until January 3.

Later years allowed me to develop other color themes that I still pull out from time to time ... cranberry, rust, and copper; lilac and silver; and red and black.

Then came the stars ... metal, fabric, ceramic, glass, wood, etc. Some were Native American inspired with woven wire and glass beads. Others were artsy, crafted from colored glass or cloisonne techniques. And still others were various cookie cutters and found star-shaped objects co-opted into being tree decorations. Still one of my favorite themes.

In 2006, purely by accident, I developed an obsession for Hallmark ornaments. I needed a last-minute greeting card and wandered into a nearby Hallmark outlet and past its ornament display. My God ... Disney characters, classic cartoon favorites, iconic toys and images, super heroes, Star Trek vessels, and so much more. I spent hundreds. And I STILL have "to get" lists for some of their 2008 and 2009 items I just couldn't swing. Christmas 2008 I bit the bullet and purchased a new six-foot, pre-lit, artificial blue spruce tree. It was truly resplendent in all it's three-year-build-up Hallmark regalia. Buzz Lightyear hanging beside Wonder Woman ... Ursula from "Little Mermaid" perched on the same branch as the Mystery Machine van. Sylvester eying the balancing fish on a Cat-In-The-Hat ornament. The combinations were exhilarating.

Wacky is the best word to sum up my 2009 tree. If it was lime green or had feathers or reminded me or circus soleil, then it ended up on my tree. I had pink pinwheels, purple metal springs, aquamarine bulbs, ostrich plumes, and elongated figures that looked like residents of Whoville. It was weird and an eyesore and I loved it!!

This year, I settled for bulbs. Hundreds of bulbs ... all colors and all shapes. It is surprisingly elegant. Not really me at all. Oh well ... in another two weeks it will join the ranks of all the other carefully-labelled totes I have in storage. Just a colorful memory.

POINT OF RANT: Any ideas for 2011?

Today In The Break Room ...

Friday was our office Christmas party. The place doesn’t really embrace frivolity, so getting a potluck AND a Secret Santa exchange was a real accomplishment. I brought in my “cherried” meatballs … didn’t have so much as a scrap or red, spicy pork left to take home. In the gift exchange, I got a nice big coffee mug … deep blue … with several coffees and cocoas, as well as a $10 gift card to Caribou Coffee … my favorite java spot.

The gathering was nice and calm, full of good conversation and quiet good cheer. What really would have livened things up was a big honkin’ White Elephant!!

A few jobs ago, the company that I worked at had about 25 employees and each Christmas they looked forward to the White Elephant exchange. Now, some of you may know it by other names … like a "Yankee Swap" … but essentially, you bring in a gift … unisex if possible … in the allotted price range with a “from _____” card INSIDE the wrapping. Each participant draws a number. The first person … No. 1 … goes up to the gift table and selects a gift. If everyone is in the spirit of the Elephant, then some packages are super elegant … big bows and fancy foiled wrapping paper. Other gifts are wrapped or enshrouded in a deliberately shabby manner to throw off the participants as to what “treasures” might be hidden inside.

Then the individual with #2 has the option of selecting a gift from the remaining pile or “stealing” the gift from another participant. This continues all the way through the numbers, and then No. 1 is given a last chance … keep the gift they have or steal another, which sometimes is their original selection. It is a microcosm of social dynamics to watch grown business professionals plan and connive and viciously steal from their office “enemies” and get easily distracted by shiny “baubles.” It really is fun. I hear that some variations of the game have people unwrapping their gifts as they go so that others see what they want to steal, or even a full second "round" of theft.

My best year was when I went to Goodwill and bought this terribly beaten up suitcase. It looked like the hinges were barely attached. On the outside I put a beautiful chocolate brown bow. And inside, just barely fitting, I placed Uno Attack … a wonderful game. Anyway, the “packaging” for my offering was so offputting that several people decided it must contain a gem of a gift so it got stolen a lot. That same year, I got a $20 gift card to Olive Garden and a nice spaghetti measuring gizmo. A good year all around.

POINT OF RANT: Peace and goodwill … no way, Christmas brings out the baser instincts in mankind and boy is it fun to sit back and watch!!

Today On The News ...

No one can afford health care ... jobless rates continuing to climb ... no money for social reform ... the news never seems to focus on opportunities and I have a prime one. Let's start today ... February 1 ... severely fining people who still have Christmas decorations up.

In my family, we had a tradition of keeping trees and mangers up until the first day of the New Year. And when family gathered together for New Year's Day meals and revelry, we could all help re-pack the delicate ornaments and animated display items for their home in the attic.

Here's my plan. January 15 ... issue warnings to all homes and businesses with Christmas decor clearly observable like lawns, porches, eaves, and rooftops. And then on February 1 we drop the hammer ... $50 (one major item) to $100 (two or more items still on display) fines. I originally wanted higher dollar amounts, but utilizing police and security officers doesn't allow a great deal of incidental fines for "tacky" and "no style" ... they just don't have the training.

And if we can get a major utility behind this plan, failure to pay within 10 days would result in cessation of electricity or water and a 15 percent additional penalty.

Now I love Christmas ... and the more lights the better. So I would also make available licenses for homeowners and businesses to "trim" their buildings with rope lights and icicle lights and such. Those buggers are hard to get set up correctly, so the license (renewed each year) would allow for that hard work to remain in place.

All funds collected could be used for job assistance programs, or local scholarships for people in need. A portion could also be funneled into food banks and homeless shelters for the remaining "cold months."

POINT OF RANT: Everyone else makes money off of Christmas, why shouldn't we put some of it to good use!